


what flying with her is like

by itwaslovely



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, a bit angst, airplane scene au, peter is overthinking, peter is scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwaslovely/pseuds/itwaslovely
Summary: "So do you want to..uh..watch a movie? or maybe listen to music.. if you uh? like this option better?", said Peter having trouble coming with a sentence."I don't know.. what do you want to do?", Michelle said softly.He wanted to do a lot of things. Hold her hand. Hug her. Kiss her. Tell her how he is so in love with her and that he feels so happy, right now at this special moment because he is next to her.But also...Tell her that he is scared of what's gonna happen when they will be back home. Scared that everything might change and that she was only his girlfriend for this trip and not after. Is she even his girlfriend? Is she gonna end their 'thing' when they will have their feet back on the American ground? She is, right?? Why would she like him anyway?
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	what flying with her is like

They had 7 hours and 31 minutes of their ﬂight left before they will both go back to their home and even if Peter never said it out loud, Michelle understood quickly that it was stressing him out.

"So do you want to..uh..watch a movie? or maybe listen to music.. if you uh? like this option better?", said Peter having trouble coming with a sentence.

"I don't know.. what do you want to do?", Michelle said softly.

He wanted to do a lot of things. Hold her hand. Hug her. Kiss her. Tell her how he is so in love with her and that he feels so happy, right now at this special moment because he is next to her. 

But also...

Tell her that he is scared of what's gonna happen when they will be back home. Scared that everything might change and that she was only his girlfriend for this trip and not after. Is she even his girlfriend? Is she gonna end their 'thing' when they will have their feet back on the American ground? She is, right?? Why would she like him anyway? 

"Why are you making it such a hard thing to do, Parker?", said MJ with a nervous laugh.

Usually, she wasn't nervous but since she has been around Peter so much at the end of the trip, it was so hard to act without thinking about it, was she walking weirdly? Or did her hands looked weird when she was touching her palms because of nervousness? Did she look great?

"Wh-...What?", Peter was confused.

Michelle was looking straight into his eyes as if she was reading into his soul and he thought he could die at her stare. Right here. Right now.

"Look, I can see that you are nervous and you are making me nervous."

Michelle broke the eye contact, looking back to the small television in front of her.  
Listen to music is a good idea but what if he doesn't like the kind of music she likes to listen to and then he will be disappointed or even get bored? A documentary about an interesting topic that she loves such as wars? He would definitely not like to watch a documentary about the second world war. It would bring him memories of all the chaos he has been through his life at only sixteen. She doesn't want that.

"I'm not nervous."

Obviously he was but was it that easy to tell?

She laughs a little and turns to face Peter again.

"It's okay. I'm nervous as well, we can do this."

She made him smile, this kind of smile that means: thank you so much Michelle Jones for helping me and being so kind.

She blushes a little, some pieces of her messy bun falling on her face as she is touching the broken necklace around her neck. 

Peter was watching her with a proud smile.

"I'm glad you like it, I've been doing a lot of research to ﬁnd the perfect necklace you know?"

Congrats Peter you just talked without looking dumb he tells himself.

"I don't like it,"

Peter stopped smiling. Did he stop breathing? He might have.

"I love it."

He was ﬁnally able to breathe again.

"Oh my god Michelle don't ever do that to me again!!"

She is back with her soft laughter, glad that the atmosphere is less awkward than it was before. Then in a soft but sad way she says.

"I feel bad for.. you know? not having a gift for you? I never thought this would happen. I have a crush on you for like, a long time. This was.. unexpected."

Peter was looking at her, feeling this weird sensation in his stomach he always feels when he is next to MJ. She had a crush on him before? But he never noticed it. 

"You- you have a crush on me?"

"Of course I do. I tried to hide it though because you know.."

He remembers the words she said when they were on the bridge: "I don't have much luck when it comes to getting close to people. That's why I lied. I wasn't only watching you because I thought you were spider-man".

He wanted her to feel safe, loved.

"Yeah, I know." 

And suddenly he felt the need to hold her hand. To show her that she's okay. So he did. She doesn't know what to do at ﬁrst. Still not used to the 'I'm holding Peter Parker's hand' thing. But slowly, she laces their ﬁngers together before squeezing her hand in his and putting one of their cute smiles on both faces.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence between them, Michelle is still looking at Peter with a smile on her face. He yawns. 

"You are tired."

"I'm not."

At this moment, Michelle could imagine his vision getting all blurry because of his yawn, and suddenly, after he closes his eyes tight, causing them to water a little she can feel her heart aching. She hates to see him with almost tears in his eyes even if she knows he is not sad. At least she hopes he isn't. He isn't right?

"You just yawned!"

"Yeah but I'm not tired."

"Typically, yawning is a response to fatigue but could also be taken as a sign that the body is preparing for sleep."

He smiles. Yeah, he may be tired, just a little. But he cannot allow himself to sleep when this may be his last moments with her.

With her left hand, Michelle is going through the movie category on the small television, she is searching for a particular movie and Peter can see it by the way she is searching, it's speciﬁc.  
And suddenly, he is not paying attention to what she is doing anymore because he remembers that she is STILL holding his hand. His. Hand. 

He feels safe, holding her hand. It's the ﬁrst time, in a long time, that he is not feeling in danger. His heartbeat is calm. He doesn't have to look all around him to check if someone is about to kill him. He doesn't need to think. He can just appreciate the moment.

So he does.

"Star Wars it is." 

Michelle was proud she ﬁnally found it. It took her 5 minutes. She knew Star Wars would make him happy and that's all she wanted.

"You don't ha-"

"I want to."

She gives him one of her smiles she only gives Peter Benjamin Parker. He squeezes her hand softly while turning to face the screen.

It only took 3 minutes before his head was resting on MJ's shoulder and 3 minutes and 47 seconds before he was asleep.

Michelle thought he looked so comfy sleeping in his pink hoodie. Cute. Pretty. Handsome. Adorable. It was making her heart ﬂip in a certain way, it only happens when she is with him. Is this what love is? How is she supposed to know? Who can she ask? It's not as if someone would be waiting for her at the airport. 

6 hours and 21 minutes left.

Peter was still sleeping, holding her hand. She wasn't that tired but she didn't want to move. She let her head rest next to Peter's head. Their hair was touching. She could hear Peter's calm and sleepy breathing. Closing her eyes slowly, it's as if she is for the first time in a safe place she could call home.

They don't know why or when but Peter woke up, making MJ woke up as well. 

He looked lost.

But then he saw her. 

Michelle Jones.

He smiles at her, feeling sleepy and putting his head back to the place it was before. 

But as he starts to drift off to sleep again, he thinks about why he woke up. He got scared MJ was not here anymore. And when his eyes opened, she was still here and it took him a few seconds to realize that this was real and not a dream.

Closing his eyes again, he kissed the top of the hand he was holding. Squeezing it softly while he was putting their hands back to where they were before. On MJ's laps.  
Without having to look at her, he could imagine her blushing.

And he was right. But also wrong.

MJ was feeling loved. For the ﬁrst time in her life. And without knowing it, a tear was rolling down her face, then another. She quickly whipped them away with the sleeve of her hoodie.  
Her movement made Peter open his eyes and he was now fully awake. Knowing something was wrong. Peter tingle?

"Michelle, is everything alright?"

Their heads weren't touching anymore and he looked straight to the sleeve of her hoodie, noticing it is wet.

"Why are you crying? Have I done something wrong? I did right? I messed it all up. I'm so bad at this, I know it. I am so so sorry. I shouldn't have kissed your hand. It was.. dumb and I-"

He let go of her hand, thinking it's the best idea.

"It's not you Parker."

She was being honest.

"Then what's happening? Are you scared because of the plane? You don't have to worry about it, it is safe and I would save you if something bad would happen, you know? I don't know-how. I just know I would. And everything is ﬁne."

He wasn't helping her even if she knows he was trying his best to.

"And l know it might look scary, being a hundred feet from the ground but the security of the plane is checked a lot. What can I do to help you? Just tell me what and I will, I promise Michelle, I want to-"

"Stop calling me Michelle."

Peter understood he had talked too much.

"I- I don't understand."

"Just please, don't call me Michelle."

He was lost. He wasn't understanding what she meant.

But then he remembers how that day she told everyone at the decathlon to call her MJ because: "that's what my friends call me". 

And then he remembers Ned telling him "Dude, there must be something wrong with her family. Remember that night when we had a small party at school when we won the academics? All the parents were invited and nobody from her family came".

And he feels dumb. Dumb because he talked too much and never let her time to express herself, what she wanted to say.

" MJ. I am- uh. Sorry."

A single tear was rolling down her face, the last one she allowed to in front of Peter. With a soft touch, he ripped it off her before it was down her chin. 

"Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong it's just that.."

How is she supposed to say she doesn't know what love is? Nobody taught her. How much she is scared because this is her ﬁrst time ever feeling something. 

"It's not easy, I know."

Peter surprised her. She wasn't expecting him to say this.

"I'm scared an awful lot, about.. well, everything. And May has always been there, to help me get through the most diﬃcult moments of my life and Tony he-"

She knows how May means the world to him. He talks about her at least once a day but it's always more than once. She has always wanted to meet her. What does his mother ﬁgure look like? And she couldn't imagine how much Tony must have been important to him.

"I- I want you to know that now, you have me. To get through it all."

This is the most beautiful thing someone ever told her.

"If you want me to of course. I wouldn't-"

"Yes."

Yes like, she wants him to?

"You mean yes for?"

"I want to have you, to get through it all. But. I don't know how this works, how..uh. Love or relationship works?"

He's not sure he knows. With time he understood that Liz was only a crush and with MJ, well, it is different.

"We'll ﬁgure it out", was the only answer he could think of.

"Thank you, Peter."

And all of sudden, her arms are around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder and he could feel her breathe against his skin. Peter doesn't move a bit, he wants the moment to last forever and so does MJ.

2 hours and 2 minutes left.

After they ended their hug, they decided to watch another movie. Peter spent the whole time watching MJ's reaction to the scenes. He has to admit, she is so beautiful and smart and interesting and lovely. The way her lips slowly move to create one of her breathtaking smiles that she doesn't know she is doing. How her pupils adjust to make sure she can see what's happening or even how her eyebrows raised in a certain way when something confusing was happening.

"You're such a loser."

"What, I- I'm not."

MJ is aware of what he is doing since the beginning of the movie and she doesn't mind it. Well, she would but since it's Peter, she doesn’t.

"What's up lovebirds."

Flash stood in the small passage next to their seats, watching them with a weird smile. Both of them are already annoyed by his presence. But MJ has read a lot of books and she is smart. She knows Flash acting this way could mean a lot of things, mostly sad things + you never know what people are going through in their lives. So, she stays quiet and talks to him when she has to and is always trying her best to be "nice", in her own way, of course.

They didn't tell what happened between them after the bridge to anyone but their classmates guessed it. Well Ned knew because Peter told him and Betty knew because she asked tons of questions: "ﬁne, I'll tell but then we NEVER talk about it again" answered MJ, who knew this was the only choice she has to be done with it.

However Peter wasn't sure if he should be holding MJ's hand right now. Or talk first.

"Neither of you know how to talk now??"

MJ thought Peter would have talked ﬁrst but since he didn't.

"What if you just let us alone? I don't want to seem rude or anything but it looks like what you're holding in your hand right now is not for a boy of your age and I don't want you to put us in any trouble."

She smiles at him, giving a glance at the glass full of wine in his left hand.

"Fine."

He left while rolling his eyes.

Did she just said us? Twice? Peter's mind is going crazy. 

He should be feeling happy and it feels like he is happy but his heart is telling otherwise. Because it is broken, from all the deaths he has known in his life. And the most recent one being Tony, it feels like he is back on that day.

"We won Mr.Stark".

He's telling himself to stop thinking but he can't. Everything is such a blur in his life. Every single thing. He can't be sure about anything anymore. It's as if feeling happy is an illusion. Illusions. He had been fooled since the start, what if he can't be happy? And when he thinks he is, it is just an illusion? All of his smiles to MJ, they are meant for her. He wants them to be real. But his heart. His heart is aching all the time. 

He can hear a voice, probably MJ's. But he's not here anymore.

"If you were good enough maybe tony would still be alive".

He can feel tears coming and he can't control anything anymore. He wants Tony to be here, he wants to tell him everything, he needs advice. What is he supposed to do now that he's not here? Who can he talk to? Too much to handle.

"Peter??"

He's back to reality, MJ shaking his arm. He never saw her with such an alarming look. He feels the tears running down his face and all he can think about is when and how MJ will get killed because of him.

"What's wrong Peter?"

He's pretty sure he can see a tear rolling down her face.

"Peter I'm serious what's going on?"

All of this is his fault. He’s a mess. He’s too dangerous.

"You shouldn't like me."

Everyone that likes him ends up dying. She can't die. She can't.

"Why not?"

"Because everyone I love DIES"

She's removing her hand from his arm, not looking at him.

"You just-"

His world is falling apart. The only people keeping the pieces together are May, Ned, and MJ.

"You can't die MJ. Not because of me. I don’t want you to die. I don't want this to be my fault. Not again. Tony, he would still be alive if I-".

And now she gets it. Why he is acting this way.

"It will not happen Peter."

"How can you know?"

He is looking at her with such a void expression that she's lost in his eyes and doesn't know what to answer.

So instead. She puts her soft lips on his. Feeling the taste of his salty tears on them. She can feel his breath calm down at the same time as hers. Their kiss is slow, soft but desperate.

She can't know. She simply can't. She never expected to be the girlfriend(?) of a super-hero. Of course, it'll be dangerous and it'll probably get worse with time but at that moment all that mattered was the well-being of peter. 

She's the one breaking the kiss, letting her forehead touch his as she reaches for his hands.

"I’m here and will always be when you need me to."

The tears were still running down his face but he smiled shyly at MJ. He loves her so much, more than words could describe it. 

"Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for Parker?"

And as he looks at her, it hits him.

For everything. 

For being here, for holding his hands. For being attentive and so good with words. For how she would smile at him thinking he can't notice it. For calming him down with her soft voice. For making him feel safe. For her existence, which lights up his day. He knows she's the best thing that happened to him and even at a young age, he knows she's his soulmate. He wants to spend his life with her. He'll make sure she's not in any danger, he'll protect her even if it means he would have to die for her. He would do anything for Michelle Jones.

"MJ would you like to be my girlfriend?"

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! I hope you enjoyed reading this oneshot :)  
> It's my first one and I was so scared to post it online but I had fun writing it so I think that's what matters!!  
> I'd like to thank everyone that supported me and was so excited when I told them I would post something, you mean the world to me, thank you so much <3
> 
> I'm open to critiques so feel free to comment and leave kudos!!
> 
> bye<3


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